Conversation Starters and Simple Answers – Tips for the First Day of School

“No-one talked to me!”

When your TCK comes back from the first day at a new school and says that, does it break your heart?

In the best of all worlds, a friendly classmate will make the first move. Sometimes that happens, but sometimes it doesn’t. Perhaps the other students are shy, or maybe they are just too busy with their own affairs.

Many TCKs find the initial encounter with children they don’t know challenging: Do they wait for someone to approach them first? Or should they approach someone and start a conversation? What can they say?

My children, both TCKs, had multiple experiences of “the first day of school” in 3 countries including Singapore. To make it easier for them to jump-start getting to know their classmates, so we suggested a few conversation starters:

• “Hi! I’m _________. What’s your name?”

• “What’s this game? How do you play it?”

• “Can you show me where the canteen/library/toilet is?”

We also encouraged them bring some interesting book or item to school, leave it on their desk, and hope that someone would ask about it!

“Where are you from?”

TCKs who have lived in several places are often stumped by this question – how can they answer this without telling their whole life story?  We helped out TCKs prepare a simple (and short) first response. Something like:

• “I’m a Singaporean, but we moved here from ______.” If asked for more details, they could then provide more information.

Our experience is that helping our TCKs prepare and rehearse some of these simple strategies reduced their anxiety and made the first day of school a little easier. We found that even our more introverted daughter was able to make a few friends right from the first day!

* A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is someone who has spent a significant part of their childhood living outside their passport country.