Different Is Not Wrong!

I found myself saying this a lot over the years as my family moved from country to country, town to town, school to school. We all know that children like predictability and stability, and transitions to new places are anything but predictable and stable!

Most children I have met react to differences with, “That’s wrong! That’s not how it should be!” when they encounter something new. Sometimes, the change can upset them so much that it leads to tears and tantrums. We found it hard to deal with this when we are also coping with transitions, but we knew that if we helped them develop greater adaptability, this would make transitions easier for all of us.

Our family’s slogan for such times was “Different is not wrong”. For example:

• The milk tastes funny? It’s still just as nutritious, even if it tastes a bit different (maybe the cows ate different food!).

• There is no lift, and we live on the 7th floor? That’s common in this country, and you get a dose of daily exercise!

• The Singapore school insists on school uniforms every day? Well, you don’t need to think about what to wear every morning!

We would try to give them age-appropriate reasons for the differences and help them understand that, often, there was no single “right” way. We helped them think about culture, climate, poverty and other issues that could explain those differences. While all this took time and required us to think a bit harder to come up with answers, curiosity, adaptability and open-mindedness are great strengths for the whole family to work on.

* A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is someone who has spent a significant part of their childhood living outside their passport country.