Parents of TCKs – Your Words Matter!

Parents’ words are powerful! Your children hear not only what you say but also pick up the vibes that underlie the words spoken. For that reason, be alert to what you communicate through your words and attitudes when you speak. For example, do you sound more positive or negative when you speak about Singapore – schools, environment, people, etc.? Will your children be willing to return to Singapore based on what they hear?

While living overseas, my husband and I tried to keep the overall tone positive when speaking about Singapore. Singaporeans do like to complain a lot, and I am no exception! But since we do actually love our nation, and fully intended to bring our children back to Singapore eventually, we made an effort to verbalise the things we liked about Singapore.

We tried our best to be objective and say both positive and negative things without swinging to either extreme. We also tried to help our TCKs understand the “why” of the positives and negatives.

What sort of things did we talk about? We, by nature, love to tell stories of our childhood with friends and family, and going to school in Singapore. We took opportunities to compare-and-contrast with our children’s experiences in the host country, and try to explain the reasons for those differences.

We also helped them remember extended family and friends and the good times they had shared by bringing them into conversations. We arranged for a weekly phone call with grandparents and made annual trips back to Singapore a priority. We knew that building these memories would make the eventual return smoother.

When we returned after more than 10 years living away from Singapore, our children already had a sense of familiarity with Singapore and some key people in their new lives. Even though there were the inevitable stresses and strains, the positive attitude made their return to Singapore easier.

* A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is someone who has spent a significant part of their childhood living outside their passport country.